Intrusive Thought Thursday – Two Poems

I was inspired by a neighbour, in this blogosphere, and decided to follow today’s Blogging 101 exercise.

Yesterday, I chose to comment on MyLovingWife’s “Getting Out Of One’s Shell” [full and clear credit is given to SColpron and @awordadventure] where she tells a story about being shy and her experience in university. I was reminded of my introvert label. I mentioned that I was forced to verbally participate in a class of loud theatre majors, one of which I was not. And to this day I resent the professor telling me to speak more, rather than encouraging me to talk above the din of boisterous personalities.

I am a talkative introvert. Not all people who know me would think that I’m an introvert, nor would they necessarily agree with the label. Whatever. But both MyLovingWife and I seem to agree that our preferred method of communication is writing. It’s just so much easier for me, much of the time, anyway.

So it brings me back to the method that I’m most comfortable in writing creatively. And that is poetry. My preference is in the abstract.

Last week I wrote two poems, one before practicing mindfulness meditation in a group, and one afterwards. This week I did the same.

I usually write my poem, then pare back on the form, which affects the content. I deliberately add constraints. It adds to the abstraction that I prefer to create. It also suits how my mind is when I have so many intrusive thoughts and I’m due for practicing mindfulness in a group setting.


 

I

Drowning

stupid
believe That
embarrassing
a secret

know
much, This
wringing
Ears Ringing

Sinking
Saved friend
back
sunk in

crazy
use That
word
politically correct

Dangerous
yet smart
together
Naaah, apart


 
This morning I really needed my mindfulness meditation practice. But the following video that I stumbled upon brought to me some peace that I often find during or after meditation. Check it out for some Jack Kerouac (happy birthday, man), Johnny Cash, some 70s tune, nature, biking and motorcycles – so zen.

After the group practice was over, I came home with a quieter mind. I’m also less judgmental toward the self. I practice some more self-care, like having dinner with my family and then I wrote the next poem. I chose a concrete poem for the second one, which forces me to explain more, to use longer sentences, and write more prose like. This is a triangle or a stepping down some stairs shape. I found right away that this shape called for enjambments to be utilized.


 

II

On the Shoreline

I like the metaphor
that I can sink to the –
depths of the lake if I want
to allow the events of life that
go on around me to just simply –
happen. They can go on above me
while I settle down here in the peace –
And quiet. While the storm goes on above –
me. I chose to do something stupid. Something –
embarrassing. Something that I can’t put into words –
Only into writing. That one confidante read my words by
the time I had fully catastrophized that my world was going –
to come crashing down. I had chosen to do something stupid which –
led to a turn of events that I couldn’t seem to stop my mind from escalating
that certain things would unfold in a way that they truly had not. It felt dumb, –
stupid, dangerous, even and unsafe. I felt terrified, petrified, depressed, ashamed –
And sullen. My friend said that what I had done was a mistake and that I had acted on
A natural instinct. But, to be more careful next time, to redirect those feelings and actions –
Elsewhere next time. I said there would be no next time. I’m catastrophizing all over again about
something else that my friend cannot help me with. Which got me where I am in the first place. Yet, –
I am safe, warm, fine, smart, clever, content, at peace with myself and self-forgiving. Self-criticism is cruel.


 

It’s difficult for me to do a reading of my own poetry. But, I will say that even though one is more clear to read, and has more descriptions, does not mean that it has more depth. In doing a reading of a poem, I can pick apart HOW something is written and find meaning in a poem that way.

Perhaps I will do that as an exercise on my blog at one point to further demonstrate what I mean.

Which poem do you prefer and why? The one that I wrote before meditating or the one afterwards? Or do you have something completely different to comment on? Kindly do so, if you choose.

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3 thoughts on “Intrusive Thought Thursday – Two Poems

  1. First thank you. For commenting and for finding my words worthy of inspiration. That means a lot 🙂 .
    Second these two poems are so very different and yet equally powerful and beautiful.
    Thank you for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Shut up (this american teen bop phrase came to mind, haha), I am a talkative intovert as well. I can share the same sentiments of being hard on self. I had to make a conscious decision, that I need to encourage myself. I became much more positive:D. I appreciae both poems.

    Liked by 1 person

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